You can find peace in the middle of the chaos if you look for it. It’s kind of like the conscious decision you have to make when you get out of bed to have a great day. If not, you might not. I use to think this was hooey but of late I have tested the concept and it really works.
So this morning after my devotional and prayer time, God showed me a glimpse of my future. I had been confused and concerned about a lot of things, not worry mind you, just in prayerful concern so my attention has been more on God than usual. He allowed me to see a vision of myself standing with a tall man, whose features I could not distinguish, and standing slightly to the side and behind me was Jesus holding my hand behind my back. You may think this is craziness but it is an answer to prayer for me.
Maybe you’ve heard that humans were created to be relational, well that spells me to a tee. I miss having warm hands to hold and wrap around me and I’ve prayed about this often. I think God allowed me to see that for several reasons. One, so I will stop nagging Him, lol. Two, to reassure me of His promises and Three, so relieve the aching in my heart. My ex-husband did a huge amount of damage to me in many ways and as I heal, I began to long for the good things of our marriage. Mostly just having a warm hand to hold. Yes this is silly girly stuff but I am a girl after all. And I love pink and flowers and lace and all the things that make girls smile.
The other thing I have been struggling with is mom and her negative attitude about everything and everyone. I can put my earbuds in and listen to my music and escape some of the drama but I’m afraid I’ll miss something I need to hear. This morning I went to the living room door and told dad I was going outside for him not to lock me out. Mom heard me while she was in the back part of the house. A few minutes after I came back in mom asked dad about what I had said to him (she sounded like she was picking a fight to be honest). She asked him if he heard me tell him that I was going out back. He said he didn’t know anything about that and mom barked at him for not hearing since she heard it in the back of the house. I feel so sorry for dad not only because of her methods of talking to him but because he really can’t hear. And I know I can’t do anything about either one. So, I have started praying for peace with all that so it doesn’t affect me more than it already has.
I guess it is because my ex was always condescending, mean and crude to me all the time. It wasn’t until he started doing it to other people that he couldn’t hide behind me anymore. I guess you will all say I am bitter and angry about what he did and I guess I probably still am. I have let it go but for some reason lately I have wanted to slap him and ask him if this is what he really wanted when he made me choose. I’ll pray all of this up today, soon because I don’t want a headache or for it to poison me anymore. Maybe if I tell my story it will clean out some of this lingering garbage. I shall think about that. It is not easy to put your life on paper for strangers to read and pick apart but maybe it will be a good thing.
So I will enjoy my new peace for the time being and I hope you enjoy some peace as well. Good day!