Smarter?

I’ve been below the radar for a few days dealing with this colder than normal weather and my symptoms that get worse at will. Although I am in the central Florida area, it is colder than usual. I feel my illness getting worse as time goes by but I am at a loss to get significant relief. Nothing the medical community suggests seems to ease it back for more than a few hours at a time. And while I am grateful for that short time of relief, remembering them is difficult because they are so few. Some days it feels like I’m holding off a raging fire while others feel like being in a state of rigor mortis. Having studied Forensic Pathology for a short time, many years ago, that is the analogy I used when my doctors would ask me what my body felt like. That was before my diagnosis but I still use the term “rigors” when people ask me how I feel on my bad days. The people that are familiar with the term do get it while the others just schlep it off.

I have been dealing with my mom’s bad attitude and regular outbursts of anger, racism and general disgust. My parents and sister asked me to move back in to the family home several years ago. It was actually a scheme by my sister so she wouldn’t be the one to deal with the folks alone. I was divorced, children grown and I made the move. I had no idea what I was getting into but I am extremely grateful for the opportunity to reconnect with all of them. That said, my mom has always been a highly opinionated person, which can be refreshing at times. But when she watches TV, which is mostly all she does these days, she talks back to it.

At first I thought it was just news shows, especially Fox. But then I noticed it was all shows. Even the game shows. So, we have been pointing out her behavior to her. I incorrectly thought she would take notice and change her behavior. Stop laughing! I would have checked myself if it were me. But this week, while I was reading my devotional and praying, God made something very aware to me. We were going about it all wrong. The bible has tons of examples of how to deal with many different types of conflict. There was no love in our behavior either. We were being judgmental and borderline confrontational to her. And while I don’t have an exact answer about how to deal with this yet, I do know that the old way wasn’t working (Duh!) and the new way should be here soon. I have trusted God for too long not to think He won’t come through. He always does. I think we have to learn what we were doing wrong first, before we can learn a better way.

Now back to the slight crush. I use to think that I could pray for God to show me what He wants. And while I still believe He can, I also believe He does things differently from time to time to teach us more about Him. So instead of asking Him to show me my future or something like that, I asked Him to remove the desires He doesn’t want me to have. It is looking for the same result but going about it a different way. It is a mind change and that is part of salvation.

I hope everyone has a great weekend. Stay safe and God bless.

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