I can remember when I was a little girl and my mom would bake cookies from scratch. The whole neighborhood could smell these wonderful delights. I’d always ask for just one more. When we would spend time at my aunt and uncle’s place, I’d beg for just one more trip around their neighborhood riding the horses. In high school, just one more meant take another lap around the track. Later, I’d have to stay after work for just one more hour because the person coming in to relieve me was running behind.
I went to the doctor this morning determined not to reveal that my pain and some other symptoms are worse. But it is very difficult not to whence when she touches a few very tender areas. Only this time she didn’t say it was more fibromyalgia stuff. After a few more questions and a little more probing, she said this is Osteoarthritis. I knew I had arthritis but this broadens things instead of narrowing them down. I let out a heavy sigh which she heard and saw but didn’t really react to it.
She has seen me almost hyper on the days when I feel really good, even though those are betting fewer and fewer. She has seen me on days when I wanted to crawl under a rock. She has incredible instincts that I couldn’t fool for one second and I really tried. She added just one more med for this and one more for that and now I have three new meds. Which I am not happy about but it could have been worse. All of this could be so much worse than it is.
I am very aware that my symptoms and issues are getting worse. But through it all I thank God every day because I know “this” isn’t my eternity. My eternity is with a loving God who promises to wipe away all my fears, all my tears and all my pain. Thank You Father that You keep Your promises and that You love me like no other.