Just when you think you’ve healed all you can, this happens. Don’t get me wrong, hearing that the young husband of an in-law’s niece got saved tonight is absolutely miraculous, amazing and wonderful. Knowing that I prayed for years for my ex to one day “get it” and all he would do was to fake it…I don’t like crying for that mess. Yes, I know, I learned from it all and it wasn’t really about me anyway. But I had hoped and dreamed and prayed that at this age, 54, we would be slowing down and planning to retire soon and enjoy the rest of our lives together. It didn’t happen that way. He decided he had faked it long enough and wanted to live his life his way. Not that he hadn’t been doing that for 30 years anyway. It’s not like I was a nag or a cheat. I cherished the ground he walked on, for some reason. He never appreciated anyone. I don’t know why I thought I or his own children would be any different.
Mental illness is so misunderstood and under researched. Not that he would have accepted any help of any kind. We tried counseling several times and he would either quit going saying it wasn’t making me better (lol) or the counselor would tell him that until he is willing to accept his bad behavior being under his control, we were wasting our time. Thankfully I kept going and she was able to help me get over the years of trauma that he had caused and she taught me how to effectively stand up to his bullying.
Well, that was the reason for my mini-crying blast this evening. Just wanted to vent and share. Do some research on narcissism to make sure you are not with someone like this. It is very subtle and barely noticeable at first.
Stay safe and God bless.