Random Musings

I usually don’t turn on my TV until around the time the evening news comes on. But today I turned it on a little earlier. Not sure why, I just turned it on. I’m not sure what I was expecting to hear or see but I wasn’t impressed or educated by anything. It was mostly bad news. Not sure why I am surprised. It isn’t that there isn’t any good news, but no one seems to be interested in good news anymore. They like the gore and garbage that goes along with bad news.

I hurt myself good last week. With my fibromyalgia, 3 types of arthritis, 2 types of chronic headaches and God knows what else, I over did it. Imagine that. The one who suffers so others won’t have to. I have come to that realization and I’m not sure how to change it. I don’t like to think I have to but I know in order to keep me healthy, I am going to have to.

How do you remove negative forces from your life when they are close to you? We are called to love everyone, which I whole heartedly try to do, but the behavior is deplorable most of the time. I can’t give up, there has to be a solution somewhere.

I mourn the Charleston nine with much of the rest of the world. I know what hate looks like. I have been a victim myself. I understand wanting to remove the flag from the state capital but where does it end? Soon we’ll have to remove the signs from in front of our churches because bogus religions get offended or they spark terror and hate crimes. Let’s remove the American Flag from everywhere so the haters won’t kill our neighbors.

I don’t remember why I got this blister on the end of my finger. Sometimes my fibro can make me super sensitive to things like my clothes or a shower. Rarely I loose feeling completely but apparently when I was washing dishes, I burnt the end of my finger. I don’t remember doing it and didn’t realize I had done it until I went to pick up a heavy pot and the pain was huge. Funny, I can take a pain pill or a muscle relaxer that other people zone out on but they do absolutely nothing for me.

In 2009, my ex-husband gave me a choice that changed my life. He told me I had to choose between him or God, and I couldn’t have both. I was stunned hoping he was kidding but he wasn’t. I tried to reason with him because it doesn’t work that way, but he demanded an answer. I told him God was my choice because He is the only one who can save me. He told me he wanted a divorce anyway so that’s what he got.

This wasn’t my design. I had planned to finish my life, hand and hand, with the father of my children and the man I thought was the love of my life. I know now that God had other plans.

So, you may think that love springs eternal or however the saying goes…but in the end God is the one in control regardless of what the government says or your relatives say or what your friends say. God is still God and no man or new law can change Him.

We recycle as much as we can. The other day my mom had put a book in the recycle bin. It looked odd to find a book there so I picked it up to check it out. To my chagrin, it was a journal she wrote in 2010 of her daily thoughts and activities. I never knew she did this. I have been doing it for years and find it odd that she would. I’m glad she really does have moments of lucid thought. She is mostly negative about everything, so to see this made my heart smile.



The Death of DeNile

I was blessed to be able to change the way I use to eat and lost almost 94 pounds in about a year. Wahoo!!! It was awesome but then it stopped. Mostly because I figured out that I could stay on my routine and sneak in a brownie or ice cream here and there and it wouldn’t hurt anything…weight wise anyway. Yes I am diabetic and in denial.

So Monday of this week, my daughter took my 14-year-old granddaughter, Makayla, to the doctor to talk about her “numbers”. They were horrible, really horrible. I believe her family may be in denial. I’m sure they are afraid to face the challenges the changes to her/their diet are going to create.

I have been praying and thinking about what that will look like for my granddaughter. I am struggling for ways to provide support to her from 600 miles away. I am hoping I can use social media, this site, texts and phone calls to fill that 600 mile gap. I think it will work, but something occurred to me as I was contemplating my strategy. I am also in denial! Rats!

Right now, I have a pan of brownies and a peanut butter desert in the fridge. Four Italian ice’s and a tub of ice cream in the freezer. There are two and a half small bags of M&M’s in the pantry. There is a box of cinnamon rolls to be made. There is cake mixes in there also. I only eat a little bit when I do eat any of it. Surely a little can’t be bad. Yep, I have a problem. I too, do not want to deal with it. It will be difficult. No, it will be very difficult.

So I am spending the rest of the evening praying for the strength to throw all of the above in the trash tomorrow by supper time. I can’t effectively encourage my granddaughter and be a hypocrite about the sugar issue. I know I have to do this. My sister did it a year ago because of medical reasons and if she can do it (poor sweetheart has no will power), I can do it. Besides we have God on our side and we will be far healthier for it.

So here goes! Wish me luck! Lots of prayer would be very appreciated too.

Stay safe and God bless.

Sweet 16!

My grandson Christopher turns 16 this Fourth of July Saturday. He is such a sweet and gentle soul. But as confused about this world as the rest of us and a lot more. So this morning, he was heavy on my mind and I asked God to give me some of His words to encourage him, as I was pondering what to write in his birthday card.

As I prayed, I started thinking about what Christopher’s favorite food is. He loves pizza. That’s my boy! So this is what God helped me write this morning during the sunrise.

The Ultimate Pizza

  • 1 Firm Foundation
  • 10 cups of Love
  • 2 oz. of Joy
  • 2 oz. of Peace
  • 3 oz. of Long Suffering
  • 3 oz. of Kindness
  • 4 oz. of Goodness
  • 4 oz. of Faithfulness
  • 5 oz. Gentleness
  • 10 oz. Self-control
  1. Read God’s word everyday to build up your Firm Foundation.
  2. Spread Love generously on top.
  3. Sprinkle remaining ingredients liberally over the Love.
  4. Bake in Prayer every morning.

I hope it blesses him as much to read this as I was to write it.

Stay safe and God bless!

The Fall of Mankind…Again!

As I struggle for words to help my teenage grandson understand what is going on in and around the world, something donned on me. Throughout the Bible (Anytime I refer to God’s Word, it will be either the King James or the New King James versions because they don’t get reinterpreted and rewritten every few years. They are the purest forms of Scripture we have.) Scripture tells story after story about how God’s people were chastened (www.dictionary.com defines chastened as: to inflict suffering upon for purposes of moral improvement) for their sins. It has become apparent that people now days do not feel that chastening. Probably because God turned over everything to Jesus Christ upon His resurrection. Before that point, God had performed all the miracles He felt necessary to be recorded for people to understand that He is a supreme, loving God and that He is who He says He is. When Jesus Christ took over, He became the bridge that fills the gap between God and mankind.

This fall has not only earthly but eternal consequences. Not being able to pray in school has expanded to places where prayer is desperately needed; meetings, assemblies, etc. The moral decline all of this has caused can be seen in all walks of life and continues to escalate at a rapid rate. So what are they afraid of? If there is no God then those praying are wasting their time, so it can’t possibly hurt to pray. If God is supreme, which He is, then praying brings people together. What is wrong with that? So I’m back to my original question…What are they afraid of? Is their fear really the knowledge that God is real? Are they afraid of Him or of what other people will say?

Think about it! Go back to the definition of chastening. The words ‘moral improvement’ are huge; really, really , huge. Our fall began when children stopped being chastened. Not only by their own parents but by the other adults in their lives. These children have grown up with “time-out’s” instead of spankings. A good old-fashioned spanking, at an early age, left a lasting impression when done out of love not out of anger. When I was a child, the mere mention of “God” stopped me in my tracks. I had a respect for God which made me fear doing anything that He would not approve of because I knew the consequences of sinning. That doesn’t mean I didn’t fail, it means God didn’t. People today think that since God is a loving being, and He does forgive, that it will all be alright. While that is mostly true, there is a price to pay for sin and it requires action on our part. People forget the action that we are responsible for. Believing in Jesus Christ, that there is a judgement according to God’s standards not ours, spreading the Gospel with love, teaching and chastening our children, and the list goes on.

I am still at my original question. What are they afraid of? What are you afraid of?

Father help us stand up against the people who call us haters. Help us shine You in everything we do. Help others see You in us. Help us be Your examples of love and forgiveness. Help them see their sin. Help them turn to You for forgiveness. As this world falls deeper and deeper into the darkness of rampant sin, help us see Your light, Your truth and Your Son. In Christ’s name, Amen.




The art of misunderstanding

Father’s Day is still special for me since my dad is a wonderful 78 years young. He is the model every man should be cast after, at least on the earth these days. Well, my ex-husband is the opposite. Cruel, mean, vindictive, greedy, self-centered and the list goes on. My son, who is now 27, harbors some anger because of his father, mostly because he was rarely a dad to him.

So on Father’s Day this year, my son as a first time dad himself, wrote a lovely and surprisingly poetic and gratitude filled tribute to his spiritual father. When my sister read it she commented that she was proud of how he gave credit to his father. I was greatly confused but hopeful that he had taken such a gracious leap. I read the post and learned that my sister had omitted the word spiritual when she read it. I told her to read it again and it took her three times to get it.

Later in the day when I spoke to my daughter, she told me how her husband had omitted the word spiritual also. I was laughing hard by now. But then she went on to tell me that my ex’s cousin had called my ex all excited because she knew he didn’t have Facebook. She read the post to him over the phone and omitted the word spiritual also. Holy Cow!

The sad part is that because of my ex’s mental disorders, he will walk around with his nose in the air like a proud papa only to crash when he comes off of his cloud because he knows the truth. He called and left a message on both of their phones this morning that he was going back into the mental hospital and if they didn’t help him, he would commit suicide. I have heard that for many years but it still moves me to tears. I tried so hard to help him but he fought with tooth and nail. I couldn’t save him no matter how hard I tried.

I’m not sure how this mostly funny story about a simple omission of one word turned into such a sad and sorrowful ending. Maybe because I had laughed at the expense of his brokenness. Maybe God was teaching me something else about my ex that I had overlooked. I’m still not sure but I know He will make it clear. He always does.

No more hate!

The extremists have done it again. I agree that the Confederate Battle flag should never have been flown anywhere  whatsoever. The first Confederate States of America flag was known as “the Stars and Bars”. There were two more that were somewhat similar but they were not the battle flag that everyone knows as the rebel flag.

The battle or rebel flag was created for the battlefield because the Northern and Southern flags were so similar that the difference was hard to distinguish in the heat of battle. Had people continued to use the official Confederate flags, I don’t think the issue would be so bad.

Either way, I don’t really care. The North continues to lie about their role in starting that war anyway. It had little to do with slavery and everything to do with the North trying to figure out how they were going to force taxes on the South for their slaves.  Yes, I know there were cruel slave owners. I get that. But I also know there were good men who had slaves working for them. I use to have a copy of a letter from a slave owner who wanted to stop his slaves from fighting against the North alongside the owner’s sons. The letter was addressed to General Lee. I know that doesn’t change things but it did show me that there is more to the story than the North will allow in the history books.

But this is the bottom line…removing the Confederate battle flag from existence will NOT miraculously stop the hate that is out there. Anymore than banning guns will stop murders and suicides which have been committed long before the invention of the gun. We will always have haters against something or someone. It goes back farther than the death of Jesus Christ on the cross. He paid the ultimate price but still forgave His haters. They are a fact of life and trying to remove everything that could possibly spark hate and killing is ridiculous and futile.

Rant over…


Working on the illness

huh? Oh yea, I almost forgot. Let’s see…I have several, illnesses that is. I shall name them. They are a part of me so I might as well put them in their places. I have, in no particular order, arthritis, osteoarthritis, ankylosing spondylitis, chronic migraines, fibromyalgia and diabetes. Phew! Sounds like a mess doesn’t it. I’m still searching for the elusive pain reliever that actually works without turning me into a zombie or making me sleep all day. So, I go without. Which means I do take naps when my body starts screaming. And while I have fibro flares, they only last a week or so then things start to die back down to a tolerable normal.

I don’t tell you this to brag about it as though whomever has the most nameable illnesses wins something. I don’t need sympathy although a little understanding goes a very long way. I’m not complaining either since I know everything happens for a reason and complaining doesn’t change anything. I tell you this because I have learned to reply on God not just daily but minute by minute most days. He is steady, strong and keeps me focused on my mission. He has given me a heart for teaching and encouragement and I look for ways to “shine” Him everywhere I go despite what things feel like on the inside.

I am around people from time to time who do need sympathy since they seem to not be able to wait to tell me how bad they feel. Or how the tests turned out without me even asking. I assume they need sympathy since the discussion was not prompted by any questions about the situation. They leap at the chance to be heard. As though no one in their lives seems to care. Or it could be that they are afraid and need reassurance.

I try to think the latter is the case when I come across anyone spewing their pains and illnesses. Even though I pray for their healing, I also pray for the endurance and strength that only God can give. This might even be a part of my earlier post about changing my attitude since it is a choice I choose to believe. Either way, I am in God’s pocket instead of the other way around. I think He prefers it that way. I know I do.

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