Oh man, I hate having my own advise thrown back at me. OK, I’ll put on a strong front and jump right in. Well, maybe a few little hops here and there instead. And the armor, well, that doesn’t exist.
Three years ago my world changed. For the better but still a major change. I lost all of my contact information. I was able to get contact information for family of course and most of my friends know my family, so I got theirs too. And there were a few I found with the help of Facebook. Now I am feeling the nudge to reconnect with the lost friends but I fear the “what took you so long” barrage of questions. Mostly because I don’t have an answer.
So maybe one at a time and see how it goes. I had become friends with one of my hospice patients. A very sweet lady who took complete care of her husband right up until he passed away. I would visit her several evenings a week and help her with different things pertaining to her husbands care. For hospice, I was mostly there for moral support but as we became more and more friends, I couldn’t help but help her out.
The day he passed away, I phoned to speak to her. Her daughter-in-law answered the phone. I was told that the family had everything under control and they didn’t need me. I was hurt, of course, but I also understand the dynamics of family and dealing with the death of a loved one. So I backed off and gave it a few weeks.
One day I decided to pay her a visit. We cried and hugged and she asked me where I’ve been. I told her what I was told and she was horrified. She had looked forward to seeing me and my continuing to be her moral support. I was crushed and vowed at that moment to never take the word for anyone from someone else.
So now as I remember how great it was to catch back up with her, I am reminded of the friends I need to contact and I’m not looking forward to their reactions. When the crap hit the proverbial fan three years ago, it was to them, as if I fell off the face of the earth. You see, they were my online co-workers. When that happened and for a few years after that, I didn’t have a computer and I couldn’t find my notebook where I wrote everything down. Only recently while going through a few boxes did I find the notebook. I stare at it everyday knowing the next day won’t magically make it easier. Then I wonder if I should even bother. Maybe it would be better to just let things be.
I’ve written briefly about my medical issues but lately my doctor is making me a little concerned. Not that she doesn’t know what she is talking about. It is more like she is patting me on the head. I’m not sure what to make of it. I know not every issue has an answer. Some issues are because of age. Some are the nature of the beasts. But that doesn’t make me feel better.
Maybe I’m doing something wrong; no, she would tell me. Maybe I’m not doing something; no, she would tell me that too. Maybe she thinks I am doing something that I’m not doing, that could be it. Maybe I am making a mountain out of a mole hill. Maybe…
There are a lot of saying about time flying. But it is true. I think we notice it more and more the older we get or the older our children and grandchildren get. Time is a funny thing. It can be your friend or your worst enemy.
I often Skype with my daughter-in-law as she shares times with my new grandson with me. He is growing like a weed…lol. I was fortunate to be in North Carolina when he was born and I miss the time I could have had with him when he was an infant. There is nothing so sweet and calming as holding an infant in your arms.
I hope to see all of my grandchildren this coming Christmas. Even though I know it will be a busy and hard time for me, it will be worth it. My oldest two grandchildren are in high school and the youngest girl is in second grade. She will be nine in February. They all are really growing way too fast. But I have been so blessed to be a part of their lives. They really do amaze me.
This month will fly by as well. I am getting jewelry ready for a festival the first weekend of next month and I’m feeling the pinch. I have moments of creativeness like most people do and sometimes it can go dry for days. That bothers me as though it isn’t normal but I know it is. It affects my writing as well. I’m surrounded by so many things I could be doing that I often find myself sitting and trying to decide what to do next. It sounds silly, but I guess it’s likes filing papers in a folder, so the brain can reorganize.
My writing has slacked off this month and last too. I’ve been studying more, again trying to get some things done, and focusing on family. Which is good I know but it all feels like it needs attention, as if it could ever be finished.
I have often taught on what it means to wait on God. I use to teach 1st and 2nd grade Sunday school. One of the easiest ways to explain God’s timing was to use the comparison between an oven and a microwave. I don’t remember who came up with this but it wasn’t me.
I would ask them questions about watching their mom cook and bake in the oven versus heating something up in the microwave. I remember one little girl told me her favorite snack was cookies. I asked her if her mom baked them in a microwave. She said no because they wouldn’t bake right. I asked her which was more important, that they quickly be ready to eat or that they be great to eat. She said great to eat was best. I asked her if it was worth waiting on the oven and she agreed.
That day they gleaned a small bit of what it means to wait on God. While it is a very difficult thing to do, we know it will be far better than anything we could do ourselves. He does not operate in a microwave. I’m glad it doesn’t.
Stay safe and God bless.