The Power of Forgiveness

My grandson Christopher is one of the biggest joys of my life. He is sweet and still has an innocent spirit. We find out Monday if he will be entering the Army in January. This concerns me but I know it is the best option for him.

One thing I don’t like is one of his friends. I try so hard to like everyone but this kid just breathes “bad”. His parents never disciplined him so he doesn’t know the concept of consequences. He thinks he is above everything and everyone.

While I was visiting my daughters family a few months ago, the “friend” shows his ignorance and lack of respect on several occasions. Christopher had several other friends over along with the “friend”. They got bored hanging out in his room so they walked outside. The night was nice and cool so they decided to explore the woods across the street from the house. The “friend” had been run off from that property several times and didn’t bother to tell the others. Needless to say the owner showed up at the door. I was so mad I wanted to pinch his head off. Every day I saw him my anger welled up and got worse and worse.

Then one day Scripture popped into my head…

Matthew 6:14-15  “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”

It isn’t easy. You have to reach a point where you forgive them then turn them and your concerns/anger over to God. We can’t do anything about it, but God can.

Update: Christopher isn’t going into the military. He has a girlfriend and a job. Now when I see the “friend”, I instantly pray him up to God, smile and move on. He is still a little jerk but I know I can’t change that.

Father, please provide a way for that young man to find his way to You! Amen.

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Seasons of Life

As I read my devotion today, I began to reminisce on the seasons of my life. In Ecclesiastes 3:1-14 , King Solomon used opposites to help us understand the changes that we will experience in our lives. While we don’t fully understand these changes and what they mean, we can be assured that God has a purpose for everything we experience. The good makes us worship Him more and the bad grows us and molds us to be more like Jesus.

I used to regret that I was the one working outside our home while the children were little. I missed a lot of firsts that I can never get back. This caused me to grow animosity towards my husband because he didn’t want to work and I was determined to make our marriage work and keep our little family together.

Over the years the animosity changed me. I became dumb to feelings. Death had no effect on me. Life was just fleeting and meaningless. I was going through the motions as a hallow emotionless unhappy person who had no direction, no goals, no anything. I woke up, went to work, went home, ate supper, went to bed and repeated every day. I was a robotic humanoid money making machine. That is what my husband wanted and that is what he created. He drained me of all feelings related to enjoying life. All this so he could spend the money and do what he wanted to do. And worst of all, I was oblivious.

I could relate to Joseph in that I had no control over what was happening to me. Despite this as in Genesis 39:5 shows, the Lord blessed him and the household. I didn’t always feel blessed. Sometimes I felt trapped and stuck thinking God was leaving me there since I was the one that dug my pit. But He was faithful to keep His promises and slowly pulled me out teaching me about Him and myself along the way.

When my ex asked me for a divorce I gladly granted it. I was not expecting a new season though. I thought now the abuse would end and I can be free to worship God in peace and not have him belittling me for everything I do. I could go about my day as I wish and not have to answer to his every whim. Little did I know the next season would be just as challenging if not more.

You know how everyone says that God moves in mysterious way? Well, I’m living proof he does. When we separated, I moved into a small apartment. I continued working and going to church and doing everything I wanted to do. After a few years my sister tricked me into moving back home to help her take care of our elderly parents. She tricked me by convincing me that their health is worse than it really is. I don’t fault her for that because I have been blessed to be able to spend this time with them. My ex kept me away from everyone, especially family so we have had a lot of time to reconnect and enjoy each other.

The reason I know God uses everything in our lives is because if I had not learned how to endure my ex’s narcissistic behavior, I would have killed my sister within the first week. I don’t think she is a full blown narcissist but she is obsessive compulsive, just ask her. That doesn’t mean I don’t love her, it means it is a challenge. God has blessed me with this season and I look forward for the next one.

 

The Loss of Innocence

Imagine you are at a resort at a beautiful beach. You have a three-day weekend to enjoy the sun, the cooler weather and just be. You are watching your two sweet girls playing in the Lazy River. The cares you left at home are less stressful. No worries flood your mind as you watch your girls having fun. You don’t get to do this often and you enjoy treating your family to some much needed down time.

But then it happens…

The word “degenerate” was the first kind word that popped into my head.

  • The dictionary defines it as “to fall below a normal or desirable level in physical, mental, or moral qualities; deteriorate”.
  • I liked this one too, “to diminish in quality, especially from a former state of coherence, balance, integrity, etc.”
  • Or this one, “a person or thing that reverts to an earlier stage of culture, development, or evolution.”

I’m not sure why I kept reading down the list of meanings for this word but then I saw it. The last one and I’m not sure why I was surprised it was there.

The final meaning is “a sexual deviate”.

In contrast, I looked up the word “innocence”. The dictionary defines it as “freedom from sin or moral wrong.”

Remember the serenity that once existed as you relaxed next to the Lazy River…

The girls scurried over to their mom to tell her about a man. A man who was sitting in a tube floating in the Lazy River with his “business” out.

Before I grabbed my laptop to put this together, my mind was racing with anger. I wanted to put that anger on paper so you, too, could feel my pain and disgust. But a funny thing happened as I walked the 10 steps to my recliner, sat down and opened my computer. I felt God take away the anger. It’s not about me and what I want. Not that I can do anything from where I am but you know what I mean. I want…to do something. I want it to stop. I want to be mad. I want to be furious and I am that it happened. All children are precious and this creep is preying on them everyday. But God took away my anger and replaced it with pity.

As I write this I am still feeling what that feels like. I can feel Him removing the emotions He doesn’t want me to have and replacing them with emotions He wants me to have. I feel as sense of relief, a sense of calm, a sense of peace. I tell people about this kind of love all the time but I have never been able to write about it as it is happening.

I am overwhelmed.

I don’t feel the rage that would have allowed me to choke him had he been in front of me at the time. God has allowed me to see a small glimpse of this degenerate the way He does. Yes, I am still mad that it happened, but the emotional stress that anger causes is gone. I wish I had better words to share this with you. I sit here just shaking my head as I try to write.

All I feel now is pity…

which is a synonym for GRACE.

Stay safe and God bless