Makayla

I first met Makayla when she was 5, I think. Her mom had died a few years earlier and my daughter was engaged to her dad. She was the cutest little thing, sweet and had beautiful curly hair. Today she is a sophomore in High School. Wow, the time does fly. But she is just as beautiful and sweet as she ever was and a little more. We love her without any “step” and she is a joy to be around.

But there is a problem. She hates her hair. It is so curly you cannot comb or brush it when it is dry. It fizzes if she plays with it so she keeps it up on her head in a bun of sorts. The bad thing is she doesn’t take care of it because she doesn’t like it. We have spent a small fortune on shampoos and conditioners, asked everyone for advise but nothing has helped.

She thinks she is ugly because she hates her hair. She sees pictures of girls on sees them on TV and doesn’t understand why she can’t look like they do. All of this has caused her to gain weight. She is an emotional eater. She doesn’t understand the limits or why certain foods should be avoided. She is pre-diabetic, which is what killed her mother, but she doesn’t seem to care because she blames everything on her hair.

So the following is what I want to say to her. I’m thinking it might be a little too abrupt. What do you think?

From the magazines at the grocery store checkout, from billboards to TV shows, it’s hard to escape the world’s twisted idea of what it says a “beautiful woman” looks like.  The world does an excellent job of seducing women and girls into thinking they are not beautiful enough. It offers everything from beauty products to surgery to help you attain the beauty it says you deserve. But why do you listen to the worlds definition of beauty? Why is the world an authority on what beauty is?

You are a child of God. He made you for a specific reason and He made you the way you are for that reason. It is imperative to study and learn how to embrace a biblical and spiritual balance that honors the God who created you. You don’t need to work on your outer appearance. You need to work on your inner beauty character. That is where your beauty blossoms and flows to the outside of you. God calls you beautiful! Exactly the way He made you. Not the way the world wants you to be.

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Christopher

I met Christopher when he was four. His mom was very ill and the families of the fire department were taking turns helping with babysitting. His dad, my son and my daughter all worked together so we already felt like family. His mom got sicker and died expectedly. Christopher was the one who found her in bed. He was devastated to say the least. He didn’t fully understand anything expect that she was gone.

For almost two years the fire department was their extended family. He was such a cute and sweet little guy. Despite what he went through, he remained a mostly happy little boy. Fast forward almost two years and my daughter became his step-mom. It was a role she was born to do. Of course, having such a sweet child made it all the more easy.

So here is the letter I will send him.

My dearest Christopher, you are my pride and joy. You will always be my oldest and first  grandson. No one can take that away from me. You were chosen. I want you to know how special you are so I am writing this to you. I don’t want you to have to wonder or question my love for you. It is bigger than the whole universe. You are special and I want you to know that.

 

Spring Vacation

Vacation… A time of relaxation and rejuvenation. A time to visit family and old friends. A time to unwind and look forward to a restart. Actually, vacation went very well. The only hitch was mom getting a stomach bug. But everything else was great.

My sister still tried to back us out of Sunday, right up to that morning but I smiled, held my ground and held God’s hand. It was awesome to see my son and his little family dedicate themselves to Christ. It was more than worth the extra miles and aggravation.

Stay safe and God bless…

The Art of Misunderstandings

So, I’ve been busy for a while working on my Etsy store and dealing with other obligations. I’m back mostly to vent. Go figure! If I don’t, I might explode.

I am recovering from a bad UTI but I’m having lingering abdominal pain. I called my doctor last week, last Thursday to be exact, and have not heard back from them. I suppose I won’t. I plan on calling them tomorrow but I doubt if I will get favorable results. I know what the pain is. I’ve had it before. I have a new doctor since my previous one decided to go to a VA. Lucky for them but now I have to start over.

I have AS (spinal arthritis), Fibromyalgia, regular arthritis and a host of other things. Since they are mostly pain related, no one believes how much pain I am in. I don’t take pain pills mostly because they don’t work for me but also because I don’t want to give in and live like an addicted zombie.

This new pain is low and constant. Back in 2006 I had the same pain. I thought it was an ulcer. I was in the middle of a separation and my ex was making my life miserable. My doctor prescribed me a small little pill to take three times a day and it did the trick over the course of a few months. Who would have thought that anxiety could cause so much pain. I hate thinking I will have to prove myself all over again. Not to mention not being able to get a response from the doctor in the first place.

Pain and all, I’m leaving Friday for North Carolina, with my dad, for a weeks visit with my children and grandchildren. My dad gets to go with my son to a masonic shindig while we are there and that will be very cool for them. They haven’t had much grown-up time to spend with each other. I’m just looking forward to being able to take my dad up by train. Something I do often but he never has. My mom and sister are driving up the middle of next week. Then we’ll all drive back together. Yay boy! What fun that will be.

Well I’ve learned my lesson even though my feelings are destroyed right now. I will never try to include them in anything ever again. I won’t care when they say I didn’t let them know about something in time. When the grandkids graduate or whatever, I’ll go and they can see the pictures. It just isn’t worth this pain. So here I am. I’m trying to understand why my parents and sister don’t think the newest great grandchild’s Christening is important enough to take an extra vacation day to attend. I just want to cry. A once in a lifetime thing and they could care less. I just don’t understand.

Yes, I’m giving it to God but it still hurts.

Stay safe and God bless…

Old-fashioned Communication

All too often the people we love die before we have time to really get to know them. Most of us never know how we feel about each other because we always think that tomorrow is another day. What’s the hurry? We’ll have plenty of time to talk and get to know each other later.

I knew my Nana’s favorite bird and her favorite color but she had no idea what my favorites were. It isn’t her fault, I was more observant or I never let on what my favorite things were. Maybe she knew all along and I was too young to realize it.

So I got to thinking about my grandchildren. I love them dearly and while I was privileged to spend many years with them when they were younger, now I am 10 hours away and the phone and computer just don’t seem to be good enough. Those things lack the intimacy that spending face-to-face time with them holds. So I decided I would write them a series of letters or cards and express my love and appreciation for them. I personally would keep these and store them away forever but I don’t expect them to do that realistically. I just want them to see and read how I feel about them while I still can. I don’t want them to ever have to wonder about that.

I had to warn my daughter of these impending letters so that she wouldn’t think that something medically horrible was going on with me. At least that I know of. I just don’t want to miss the opportunity to tell them how special they are. Even it if means more to me that it does to them. And while I re-read this, I should probably make mention of how proud I am of my own children. They are amazing too.

I will post the letters as I send them. I know they love getting mail even if there isn’t any money in them…lol.

Stay safe and God bless.

Kimberly and Jesus

Kimberly is my eight year old granddaughter. Sarah is my daughter and has had her in church since she was a baby. She does well for the time she is in church and apparently listens very well too. It does disturb me a little that an eight year old can have this level of frustration though. But I am delighted at her understanding.

Kimberly: Momma, When is Jesus coming back?

Sarah: Honey, no one knows.

Kimberly: Well, He needs to hurry up.

Sarah: Why is that?

Kimberly: Well, I miss Uncle Bo. (She then proceeded to list other people she misses and people she never met. Then reasons the world is bad and He needs to come down and fix it all.)  He just needs to come on NOW.

Does That Really Happen?

You know, one of those stories that sound so incredibly unreal they are hard to believe. Like the neighbor who won a million dollars or his dog was eaten by an alligator or he found a valuable antique watch or something in an old chair he just bought at a garage sale. Well, they say that truth is stranger than fiction and I think they are right. I have heard of these stories and read them in the paper etc. for years, but never has one been as close as family.

Unfortunately it isn’t something cool that involves money or saving someones life. My daughter-in-law was driving near her home this afternoon and noticed an unmarked police car in her rear view mirror. Sure enough he pulled her over. When he came to the window to get her license, registration and insurance, he asked her if her weapon was in the vehicle. She said it is. He asked her if it was loaded. She said it is. He asked her where it was. She said in her purse. He said he needed for her to get out of her car. She politely said no, she would not. She told him she was not getting out of the car without her baby. He told her to drive on. She committed no infraction. He had no legal right to pull her over.

My son checked when he got home later and there was no record of her tag being run by the PD. I knew from her wording of what he said to her that it didn’t sound right. I knew there was a fake cop working in their area but I never imagined anything like this would happen to anyone I know. I could scream right now. I hate being so far away and feeling so out of control. It is my nature to protect. And when someone has harmed one of my own, I get irate.

So, what am I doing about it? Praying extra hard! Also, if you are ever pulled over and not sure if the cop is real, call 911 and ask the dispatcher to verify the cop is real. They won’t mind at all.

Father, I know You are in control even when I feel like I’m not but want to be. Please put a stop to this fake cop before someone get hurt. In Christ’s name, Amen.

My heart is breaking

…because I can see my son going down the same long broken road as his father. I’m not sure why I thought he would be different. He watched his father tear into me with his words and cut my heart into pieces. I want better for my son. I want him to be a true man of God. I want him to express and feel real love the way it was intended. But I am powerless to do anything.

If I say something, anything, he will know that his wife vented her frustration and fear to me. He unloaded on her with a fury few men could withstand and all because their sweet baby boy threw up on his uniform. I could hear in her voice the fear and discouragement I once had when my marriage was new too. She doesn’t deserve that.

I’m taking a crying break…

A few days have passed and I have prayed and asked God for a way to get through to him. I found a book on Amazon titled, “The Heart of Anger: Practical Help for Prevention and Cure of Anger in Children”. Hmmm, if I present this book to his wife, I might just get away with it. After all it is for the new grand baby. She can read it and show him “interesting” things and hopefully it will start to show him what his anger is all about and how to control it. Now I have to resist the urge to punch his father square in the face next time I see him. lol, sort of.

Father, thank You that You are faithful to me even when I get wrapped up in my own little drama and sometimes forget Your grace and love. Help me shine Your light to all whom I see. In Jesus name, Amen.