2017 and Fibromyalgia

I’ve been reading and listening to people tell me for years that to combat my symptoms I need to “move” more. Well, I decided to prove them wrong. I joined a gym for my Christmas present and started my new year, new me…lol.

This actually started a few months back when my sister said she would do something with me, if I’d do something with her. I’m not afraid of much but for some reason neither one of us can remember what it was I was going to do with her. So, we and a friend of ours did a tree trek together. Yes, with zip lines and walking on wires up in the tree tops. It was amazing! I had so much fun. I wasn’t sure I could do it but I was determined to give it a try. This helped to motivate me to give the gym a try.

On the first day I was optomistic. Start slow and don’t over do it. I worked my arms, back and legs. The tread mill was looming in the distance. I love to walk but the machine is very intimidating because I know that at certain settings and speeds, it can get the best of me. But I walked for 30 minutes, burned 100 calories and still felt optimistic.

Day two…not so much. I was pushing. I am sick of pushing. It is something I do everyday of my life just to get out of bed and attempt to function. I just want to exist at this point. But I didn’t give up. I worked out and walked my mile then I went home and took a nap.

It has been about 10 visits now. I’ve up’d my weights twice, again trying not to over do it. I’m walking with an incline which burns more calories and works the muscles harder. I can’t say I’m having fun but I have to admit I was not able to prove them wrong, yet. My good days seem to be better and I have only had four bad days in a month, which is down from my average of 14.

Try something different. It just might be the best thing ever.

Stay safe and God bless…

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Which Mocker Are You?

It is easy to pass by someone and not realize who they are. You don’t recognize them from a photo or something. Their persona doesn’t strike you as a famous person or whatever. But if they tell you they are someone you don’t know they are, will you believe them? I met a famous actor many years ago who did not look like he did many years before and I have to tell you, it took me several minutes of staring to see it. He was bald and fat and did not look anything like he did before. I could have easily mocked him, but I didn’t. I think mostly because I was in shock.

As I read over Luke 23 at the different people who were present at the crucifixion of Christ, I can’t help but wonder what their motives were.  I get the passersby. They just happened to be there and were curious, although a grim curiosity. But what about the others?

The Chief Priests, Scribes and Elders were present mostly because they wanted to win their arguments. Whether or not they believed Jesus to be the Son of God or not shouldn’t have mattered. He was a man who had done nothing wrong. His only crime was that He disagreed with the “religious right”? And they had the audacity to mock Him on top of that? Why did they have to stand and watch Him die? Oh yea, they expected Him to come down from the cross. Such hypocrites!

Now the two Criminals. Well, one of them. They were close enough to talk (this is a naive concept since talking was extremely difficult to do considering how much stress the body is in, in that position) to Jesus or at least to see Him in a way that none of the others could. One thief did eventually “get it” and repent.  They were closer than anyone else and should have both been able to glean the awesomeness of Christ’s deity had the one not been so blind.

So…

Are you one of the Passersby who just so happens to be visiting the area that very weekend when the event is happening and you find yourself in the middle of the excitement so you get involved without knowing or caring about what is going on?

Are you one of the Denominations, Church Members, or Bible Students who disagrees with Jesus and sneers at Him because He challenges you?

Are you one of the Criminals who hung next to Jesus on the cross? They too joined in on the mockery at first, although one began to see something in Christ that all the others missed.

Christ’s death fulfilled an eternal purpose. We can analyze the events that lead up to and away from His death but the fact still remains…God has a plan. Everything happens for a reason and our understanding of it isn’t a requirement.

Stay safe and God bless.

 

Aggravation

I remember a game growing up as a kid called aggravation. I don’t think it was/is spelled the same way though. I never thought, back then, that life would be so much worse. I haven’t spoken much about my sister only because I don’t want to hurt her feelings when the subject is not on the bright side of life. She is sometimes high maintenance but that is her nature and that’s OK. As much as I would love to slap her into reality sometimes, I still love her to death…lol pun intended.

This morning brought on a little drama. She was running late, not a surprise lately. She told mom she would do something and mom was pressing her to take care of it but she was out the door because she was running late. Now the second phone line, which she runs her business off of isn’t working, and she doesn’t have time to call the company to have it checked. She just wants “someone else” to take their time to call and make an appointment to come look at it for her since she doesn’t have time to do it herself.

Yea, I get it. I should jump at the opportunity to help her out since she is so busy and needs my help but I have to tell you. When you watch someone who goes out of their way to get bogged down at what looks like on purpose, it is hard to jump in because you know they aren’t learning to plan better to do better, they are just learning to rely on you more. Wow, that was hard to write and harder to reread. You want to believe the best in people and I am usually the eternal optimist but this is really hard. I don’t think I can ever wish for her to be better and expect it to come true. I don’t think I can wish her into being a better planner. I don’t think I can wish her into being someone who doesn’t cuss and yell when she is overwhelmed. I don’t think I can wish her into being someone who is more responsible and gracious to the people around her. All I can do is hope and pray and even then God will be the one who decides when and if this comes about. This isn’t about me. I can’t make it about me.

So here I go again making a change to my mindset. That I can change.

Stay safe and God bless.

 

Sitting on the Fence

My friend Kim believes you can lose your salvation even though scripture is clear that you can’t. While I feel in my heart you can’t lose your salvation, I still know people who have completely denied God and I believe it is possible. So I am still on the fence.

Romans 8:38-39  (NKJV)
For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

I was reading about salvation this morning and came across Romans 8:38-39. Of all the things mentioned in these verses that cannot separate us from God, the word “created” jumped out at me. I’ve been struggling with the salvation of others wondering if their salvation was real. Yea I know that is between them and God but I also feel a responsibility to act on their behalf if needed and possible, while there is time. So I’ve been doing research and having conversations on the subject.

It never occurred to me before but I am “created”. Not sure why that hit me this time. I know I have read those passages many times before. Everything and everyone is created, so why is this significant? Could it be telling me that no human has that power? The passage doesn’t mention mankind specifically so maybe that’s what I missed before. Could it be that simple?

John 10:29 (NKJV)
My Father, who has given them to Me, is greater than all; and no one is able to snatch them out of My Father’s hand.

Since John 10:29 states no one is able to snatch them out of my Father’s hand, why would we think it is possible to lose your salvation? There are no stipulations attached to this passage. There are no “therefores” or “what ifs” or “conditions” of any kind whatsoever. It is a statement of fact. This passage removes the possibility of losing your salvation once attained. “Wahoo”!!! But the really really cool part of this passage is…the “no one” includes ME. I don’t know about you, but that is awesome! Not that I’d ever want to but it’s reassuring that I could never make that mistake.

Stay safe and God bless…

Silver Lining

When I sat down to write this post, I had several rants on my mind. But I decided not to give them life. Instead I am choosing to write about the opposite views. Please forgive the lies and look for the silver linings instead.

People are inherently wonderful!

Our kids have a wonderful world to grow up in!

Evil doesn’t exist any more!

No more bullies or sexual harasses anywhere!

Everyone speaks kind words and does good deeds for each other!

Stay safe and God bless…

 

Don’t Placate Me!

I’ve written briefly about my medical issues but lately my doctor is making me a little concerned. Not that she doesn’t know what she is talking about. It is more like she is patting me on the head. I’m not sure what to make of it. I know not every issue has an answer. Some issues are because of age. Some are the nature of the beasts. But that doesn’t make me feel better.

Maybe I’m doing something wrong; no, she would tell me. Maybe I’m not doing something; no, she would tell me that too. Maybe she thinks I am doing something that I’m not doing, that could be it. Maybe I am making a mountain out of a mole hill. Maybe…

What’s Missing?

Yesterday I realized something, when Brittany and I were talking about baptism in the Methodist church, she mentioned that babies are baptized. Then I remember talking to people about going to confirmation classes when they were teenagers. It made me realize that when you do that, you don’t have a personal connection with Christ because you didn’t make a personal decision to believe and trust Him. I think it is absolutely necessary to have the relationship you want and need to have with Him. Without that personal connection, He is just a God.

On Writing.

I started writing about my life with my ex bi-polar, schizophrenic, narcissistic sociopath husband after I finally worked up the courage to leave him. I have wanted to turn it into a story befitting a book where only the names were changed to protect the innocent. I think I left it alone for a while because it was still so painful to deal with. Well, this week I started to edit and go over it. The pain was minimal so I think I’m ready to finish it. Wahoo!

I am trying very hard not to make it all his fault. I don’t want it to sound like a wife-bashing story. I recognize my fault in all of this but I also know that I have healed because I have sought to. He chooses to remain in the hell he has created for himself and continues to blame everyone for it. I know they call that denial but it is hard to look at face to face. The man in the mirror is rarely kind in that respect.

I think I will dedicate the book to him.  I won’t name him specifically, that would give him too much credit and make him famous which fuels his ego. I will also name my children since they are the ones that started my “awakening”. If it wasn’t for their insight and questioning everything that was happening, I may have never been able to confront my abuser. I only hope my ability to overcome this will somehow encourage my children to look out for behaviors that could be hiding in their own mirrors. My children are good Christians and have good family to support them which doesn’t make them immune, but hopefully aware. The lack of family support may have been part of my ex’s issues all along. But I may not learn the reasons this side of Heaven. I know God knows and that is good enough for me.

So wish me luck as I get a manuscript ready and we’ll see how it goes.

Stay safe and God bless.

 

How are you feeling?

That is an interesting question. When someone asks me that, I immediately think of how I am feeling physically. But it donned on me today that they may mean something else completely. A woman at church asked me that question and she knows I have three types of Arthritis and Fibromyalgia. I’m pretty sure she wasn’t trying to gauge my physical pain on a rainy day. I move slower as I try to hide the pain. So I chose to answer her based on my emotions instead.

I told her that I am feeling good about my life right now and that I can’t wait for what God has in store for me in the near future. She told me that my attitude was refreshing. And we chatted for several minutes about the sermon and the direction the church seems to be going. I found her question provoking and unusual. But I also know that had it come from someone who does not know my physical issues, I would have taken it quite differently.

So I decided to challenge myself this coming week to not be so quick to answer any question but instead to ponder for a few moments an answer they were not expecting. I know I expect certain answers to my questions or at least something close to it. Try it yourself and I will share my experience with you next time.

Until then, stay safe and God bless.

 

Feeling blessed but drained.

I have to admit I have had a tough few weeks. From being sick with something unknown to dealing with this damp wet weather, I simply feel drained. I’ve been trying to get a few things done but just can’t seem to find the energy.

I don’t even feel like writing here tonight. So, I’ll cut this short and make up for it later. God bless and Good night.

Father, You know my need and the need of others. Thank You for every blessing. In Christ’s name, Amen!