Do you remember dreams?

I usually don’t unless they occur later in the morning close to when I wake up. But this morning I had one that made me feel slightly angry.

I’ll list the elements that were in it. My ex sister-in-law (Claeress-the bride), a niece of my daughter’s husband (Sophia), my ex mother-in-law (Elizabeth), my ex himself (Louis), two guys from a previous IT contract (wedding planners), a mobile home trailer, tables laid out with clothes folded on them, and other things/people I may remember as I write. I have named the people in parenthesis, but they are not their real names.

So, I am at this trailer, don’t know why at first, and all of these things start to happen. Not sure whose baby I was tending to for the entire time. And there were several children running around from age 3 to maybe 10. The kids helped me find things that I needed for the baby. And there were bugs in various places too.

At some point five blue limos line up in front of the place. I remember asking one of the kids “who died”. (Funny how you can maintain your sense of humor in a dream…lol.) He proceeded to tell me it is for a wedding. So I didn’t think about it since no one in this trailer was prepping for a wedding. I went back in to see how the baby was doing and he was asleep. One of the drivers from a limo knocked on the door and asked if everyone was ready. No one was but soon starting scrambling to get ready.

I don’t remember seeing the bride to be, Claeress, before this moment. And when we did make eye contact, she quickly turned and went the other way. Now back to the baby who was now awake. Everyone wants to hold the baby so he gets passed around freeing me up to figure out what is going on here.

Sophia and Elizabeth get busy getting ready and in one ‘fly by’ they ask me what I am wearing. Very startled I ask what?. They laugh and tell me about the wedding we are all going to. I told them I didn’t know anything about it and then I saw Louis come in the back door. I was more than puzzled but beginning to get a little mad at being kept in the dark. Louis said he would help me find something nice to wear. He was wearing a very nice black suit. I envisioned myself hiding inside his black suit as I thought I’d never find anything suitable to wear.

So now we are looking through all of the closets and clothes on the tables. It is as though I was shopping or something. I’m not a good shopper nor a happy one so this was odd to me. Someone found a suitable slip then another found a nice dress. I don’t remember actually seeing the color. It was long and nicely made and fit me quite well.

Next, I’m in this dress but the slip is hanging out of the bottom. Someone says that it is OK, I’ll start a new trend. I was not amused and looked for a solution. The two IT guys had it all figured out and soon I was getting my hair the way I wanted it so I could be done.

Elizabeth suggested I go visit the bride-to-be in the back room. As I approached, several of the ladies who were crowded around her, stared at me as though I had two heads. I started speaking an apology (trying to be the bigger person since I hadn’t done anything wrong to begin with) but she turned her head away as if to say I wasn’t worthy of speaking to her. I held my head high and turned to leave the room. Then I heard a cloud of laughter coming toward me. I turned around to look but stopped myself in time to leave and not care about their drama.

Then the baby started crying and no one wanted him. That’s when I placed him on a table to tend to him and saw bugs crawling around in the pizza box from the night before. I think I woke up when the kids started fighting over the leftover pieces.

Now, I’m not one who believes that destiny lies in dreams or anything like that. But this dream or nightmare as it would seem, had all of the elements that cause me grief in one form or fashion. My ex sister-in-law has shunned me because she thinks it was my fault that her brother and I are divorced. I have an issue with the niece of my daughter’s husband in that she won’t finish high school and she thinks finding a man will get her out of the house and her life will be so much better. My issue with my ex mother-in-law is that she was the original enabler to my ex husband’s drug use and subsequent mental issues. The issues with my ex and bugs speak for themselves. I have always had a dislike for mobile homes which fit into this dream very well. I also have a dislike for garage sales which seems to be the way the tables in this mobile home were laid out.

Phew! So what does it all mean. I must have been sleeping on my right side. When I do for too long, my shoulder will start to hurt and usually wakes me up. The baby must of been the cat who wanted out this morning at 6am. As for the rest, it was like the devil was trying something new to get into my head. Whatever it was, it was smart. It assembled things and people I have issues with into one very weird dream that left me shaking my head and wondering what just happened. I wonder if I’m holding on to something I need to give to God. I don’t have control over these people and that would be a great solution. As for my attitudes about mobile homes and garage sales, well, they are a part of life and I’ll just have to limit my interactions with them or change my attitude.

Either way, it was just a dream. All of those people are out of my daily life and living their own way. Sure, they need Jesus, but I don’t have control of that either. God bless them. And you too. Sweet dreams…

Feeling blessed but drained.

I have to admit I have had a tough few weeks. From being sick with something unknown to dealing with this damp wet weather, I simply feel drained. I’ve been trying to get a few things done but just can’t seem to find the energy.

I don’t even feel like writing here tonight. So, I’ll cut this short and make up for it later. God bless and Good night.

Father, You know my need and the need of others. Thank You for every blessing. In Christ’s name, Amen!

A Brand New Day

I have been struggling with some things lately that I have needed to pray up. Nothing major, just things I need to get settled in my mind or my heart. I have also been off track lately with my prayer and devotional times. I haven’t replaced it with anything, just not making it a priority like it was. I got slack and lazy and my body is feeling it. With everything else my body is dealing with, I don’t need to have anything added to it.

I was waking up in the morning and spending about 30 minutes reading my devotional and then spending time praying. I was keeping a prayer book where i wrote at least one prayer in a day. When I didn’t know what to pray, I would read the prayers I had written.

Lately my main focus has been to pray for my children and grandchildren, their marriages, their friends, their teachers and their school studies. Since both of my children and their spouses are involved in the fire service, I had been praying for their safety and health. I’ve been praying for my folks and sister too. My parents turn 78 this year and while they don’t need my help now, they will soon. I pray for strength and courage when that time comes.

I have also struggled with desires, although normal, I want mine to be in line with what God wants for me. So instead of praying for the desire itself, I pray for the desire to be removed if it isn’t what God wants for me. To my amazement, for some reason…lol, the “bad” desires are gone. Things I have longed for are no longer causing me the grief that desired desires can cause.

Well, today I finally prayed it all up to God. Not sure what took me so long. I hate that I am so slow to pray up the little things I think God doesn’t have time for. I spent about an hour praying, listening and thinking about the things that seem so out of whack. As I was praying, I felt God shadowing me with a peace I cannot explain. A peace that restores my desire to make and keep Him the focus of every thought I have. For His name to be on the edge of my tongue. For His song to play over and over in my head. To keep Him so in focus during my days that I see His shadow just beyond the light. Knowing that I am forgiven, cherished and His child.

I love the way He loves me.


I got it wrong!

How could I be so stupid? How could I miss that so easily? What have I been thinking and doing? Wrong!!! I was thinking and doing it all wrong!

For several months I have been trying to pray and decide if I should attend another church. Since I am a student of counseling, I have been making difficult social choices. I stopped seeing a very nice man because he wanted a physical relationship. I want a challenge and to live a Christ centered life. I noticed that the church I attend condones several behaviors that are not Christ like and thought about going to another one.

This is a difficult decision because my parents and sister like the current church. While I know they cannot be persuaded to change their faith and conform to this, I felt it necessary to look elsewhere. Mainly because I am working on my masters in Christian counseling. I would be a hypocrite to say something to a patient that my church says is OK. I cannot portray a Christ follower and not completely be one.

So for several months I have been scoping out possibilities. I have my sights on one I went to when I was a little girl. I have prayed and made plans to attend one of their Wednesday night prayer meetings. Mostly because it is a smaller crowd and I could get a feel for the people etc. I keep having something come up that prevented me from going.

Either it didn’t correspond with my eating schedule, I didn’t have a vehicle, the weather was bad and even the one I have been having more lately and more strongly. That is a sense that God doesn’t want me to go. I figured I was praying enough that God was telling me not to go for whatever reason and like a good soldier, I listened. Well, this week in my illness, I finally realized I had it all wrong. The negative, don’t go messages and feelings were not from God after all. They were from the other voice that creeps into my feeble head. We are all feeble in that respect so don’t feel bad about it. Just pray more that God will keep His voice louder than the other.

So now that I have it right…I’ll be going to that Wednesday night prayer service real soon.

The moral (if this warrants one): Keep praying! Read God’s word so you can know what you think He wants is really from Him and not the other.

I avoided naming the “other” on purpose, mostly to be funny. I think it denies him some satisfaction. HA!

Dog days of winter

Since Monday, I have been sick as a dog. I’m not sure where that expression came from but I feel real sorry for the dog :). I’m not sure what I have since it isn’t completely gone, but it knocked me down for a better part of the week. It started with a sore throat and that was pretty much it. Only one side which the doc said was unusual. Well that is my normal so it wasn’t unusual for me. So, he gave me prednisone, zovirax and levaquin. I have heard of these but this is the first time I have taken them. I do feel better so I guess whatever it is, is going away. Good riddens!

I have been allowing things to get me down. The stupid government and all their lies, things that should be against the law that aren’t, and so much chaos in general. The news is full of it. Sometimes I feel like we are being overrun and the few honest and loving people are dwindling down to even fewer in numbers. Makes me want to buy an island and go hide from the rest of the world.

But then I look at my bible sitting on my shelf across my room. I almost sneer at it knowing the answers are in there. Knowing that God works in his own time and not mine. Knowing all of this is under His control and He will deal with it in His own better-than-mine time. So why do I bother even thinking about this junk?

I think mostly because I don’t want anyone to wind up in Hell because they were not interested in learning the truth. Because they didn’t think it was important. Because they didn’t think they deserved it. Even though Jesus Christ was raised from the dead, He nevertheless died for all of us. No matter what we have done in the past or present, we all have the ability to accept His sacrifice and be forgiven. It is His free gift. It is that simple.

Where are you?

Small rant here…

I use to wonder how people could believe dictators and false religions when there is so much information out there if you want to find it. But I realized a few things along my journey.

People who are in a wrong place choose to be there. That is their design and it is what pleases them.

People who are in a wrong place do not know they are in a wrong place. If you grow up in a society that thinks getting your way at all costs is normal, then they go somewhere where that is a foreign concept, then they naturally don’t fit in.

People who are in a wrong place don’t know God. If they did, they would be in a good place and know that the wrong place was a bad place.

People who are in a wrong place could be just that easily led astray. Not to say they are dumb, they are following the wrong people.

Growing up, my generation generally had good role models to look up to. Either in the family or out. Now days those good role models seem to be few and far between. There are no more Washington’s running for president. There are no more crusaders working toward the good of all mankind. It has become a dog eat dog world and there seems to be no end in sight. I’m not a doomsday-er by any means of the word. I just know the end won’t be pretty.

Please feel free to share your thoughts.

Superheros aren’t immortal either.

I don’t usually feel my body dying one day at a time as I get older. But getting another diagnosis has hit me harder than I imagined it would. I have been a Christ Follower for several years so I am very aware of my earthly mortality and my heavenly immortality. So why do I feel different now?

Like most families, there is a full gambit of diseases in ours. You name it and someone has had it. Most of the bad ones won out in the end but a few have been beaten. My mom is a breast cancer survivor and she is a tremendous blessing to everyone in her life. I was diagnosed with arthritis and fibromyalgia several years ago and I thought, for some wishful reason, that would be it. Well, I should have known it wouldn’t be.

I had attributed so many things to the above two ailments only to find out I have another one. I felt different with this diagnosis than with the others. I’m not really sure why. As I write this, I still don’t know why. But it could be that this one is degenerative. Although it probably isn’t the last diagnosis I will receive, it is the first one that has long lasting harmful effects.

I knew there were many types of arthritis. But I didn’t know anything about osteoarthritis. Unfortunately, I do now. And it isn’t pretty but it isn’t the worst either. Yes I know I am in God’s hands and yes He helps me everyday, one way or the other. But this reality has changed me somehow. I’m still pondering what that is and I’ve been praying for it to be shown to me. I know God doesn’t work in a microwave so I will continue to try to read myself and listen to Him.

Father, thank You for loving me and helping me everyday. Please show me the changes I am experiencing in a way that will glorify You.

Stay safe and God bless.

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